Just Live Today

Blue eyes turn toward mine as I pass out the bars for Kid's Club snack. Kristen asks her routine question, "Are we going to be able to have two?"

"Not tonight," I reply. Seeing her beginning pout I can't keep the edge from my voice. "Enjoy the one you have. If you complain you could lose your snack."

As I dismiss the children after the noisy final assembly Kristen comes to me. "Will there be brownies next time?"

"I don't know." My words come with inward, and likely outward, annoyance. I am busy. She doesn't need to know that right now and should be quiet in her seat. She turns away.

Awake during the night I writhe, remembering those encounters. I can think of twenty-five better responses to Kristen's questions.

Morning comes and with it a burden about this and many other things. The Lord shows me I sound a lot like Kristen.

Brown eyes turned toward Him I wail. "Am I going to be able to accomplish all the things I hope to before the baby comes in 3 months? What about the traveling? What about the bike rides with Geryll and Tristan? What about the parties with friends? What about the spring cleaning? What about the painting? What about the sewing? What about my inadequacies that need attention? What about . . .? The summer looks too short!"

His voice is gentle, "Carla, just live in the grace I offer you today. If you fret you will lose your joy and peace."

I come to him again. "What about the delivery and health of the baby?"

And he who stands before the noise of all people, yet is never busy, turns to me. "You don't need to know that now. Just live today."

Celebrating Life

Saturday tasted of paradise. Geryll, Tristan and I worked together in the back yard, biked together at Presque Isle, then cooked together before going to bed. Days like this, so precious, can make me afraid. I fear pain and death that may come, bringing tears rather than laughter, making it impossible for me to live another day like this one.

This coming week marks 10 years since my 6th grade student, Heather, was killed in an accident. I remember the shock, the realization that I could not have another moment with her. The recent tragedy involving the Esh family reminds me that I can't keep my family alive.

How does a woman live with this realization? I know that no one can take away the sweet family times I've experienced. I have "right now" with my family. Still, that isn't sufficient.

I also know that though tears and death are inevitable, they are not the final word for me as a Christian. Isaiah 25:8 says, "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces." This is what Easter speaks to me this year. Christ's suffering reminds me of the pain of living. His resurrection promises me the hope of life after death.

"Because he lives, I can face tomorrow." I can't honestly say, "all fear is gone". I will say, "I bring my fears to Him. I know He holds the now, has held the past and will hold the future."

Gradual Growth

Several weeks ago I pulled out an unfinished maternity dress. I'd nearly completed it when I was pregnant with Tristan. However, something was wrong with the back skirt, making it unfit to wear. I'd given up on it, completely frustrated at what I considered a waste of time and money. Now, two years later, as I ripped apart the skirt in search of a solution, the problem was obvious and easily fixed.

Slowly, imperceptibly to me, I’ve grown as a seamstress. Time spent sewing simple aprons as gifts for friends, curtains for the kitchen, and several easy dresses for myself improved my skills. What was hard two years ago is easy today.

So life goes, full of gradual growth. A kind word spoken when I’d rather snap, an invitation accepted when I’d rather stay home, a sacrifice made when I’d rather be selfish, a lesson taught when I’d rather just listen; all these and more work to grow my character in small ways. The ordinary days grow me in ways I can’t see at the time.

My friend, Sister Eva, said to me “Carla, Christ is growing and being formed in you, just as that baby is growing up inside of you.” I can’t see the baby’s growth with my eyes. My belly gradually swells. I feel more movement from the child. Change comes slowly. But miraculous growth happens daily.

Even so Christ grows within me. “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” “That Christ may grow in your hearts by faith.” The baby growing inside isn’t the only miracle gradually growing and changing me. These ordinary days of worship, work and relationships yield more of the fullness of God in me, as I listen to His Spirit.

The dress, representing growth in myself and veiling the growth of my my baby.

Geryll listens to Tristan talk about the twinkling stars, an ordinary moment with extraordinary glory.

What Matters Most

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." ~ Mother Teresa.

My mother-in-law modeled this for me today as she stopped by to pick something up, then ended up helping Tristan build his first snowman in the back yard. (Notice how she is clapping her hands in praise of him). Too often I find myself too busy doing "big" things to stop and do the little things. As Shane Claiborne says, "It's easy to fall in love with the great things . . . .We can so easily become driven by our vision for church growth or community or social justice that we forget those little things like caring for those around us."

It won't be long before my son knows stress and worry as he faces life's battles. For now, he plays. He delights in his world. He trusts his daddy and mama. What a beautiful season of life for him. May I as his mama not miss it because I was too busy trying to "do things that count".



After she left we carried snowballs to the sunny front yard and built a snowman. By the end of the day there was a small ball left. If I'd just make enough snowmen I could clean all that snow out of the backyard :)

Anticipation

Here Tristan is practicing for the end of July. Hopefully his baby skills improve!

Homemade Laundry Soap Recipe

Several months ago my mother-in-law gave me a recipe for making my own laundry soap. At first I was dubious. There seemed to be too much water in the recipe and not enough soap. It does not produce suds, so when I looked into the washer I doubted if it was working. However, after 2 months of using this soap I and am pleased with the results. My whites are whiter! Static cling seems to be reduced! I am certain my clothes are clean! Also, my grocery bills are lower!

Here's what you need:

1 bar Fels Naptha Soap
1 Cup Borax
1 Cup Washing Soda (this is not the same thing as baking soda)
1 5 Gallon Bucket

Grate the soap into a kettle of 6 cups hot water. Heat and stir till it melts. Pour the mixture into the bucket. Stir in the borax and washing soda. Fill the bucket the rest of the way with hot water and stir well.

The next morning the soap will be a thick gel. Stir it again. Mine looks like a thin gel with some white flecks of soap in it. Add 1 cup of detergent to every load of laundry.

If you miss the scent that's added to many laundry soaps, you could add some essential oil to the bucket.

For those of you who live in the Meadville area, Valeskey's sells all the supplies. I'd say I paid around $12 for the supplies, including a bucket. The borax and washing soda come in big boxes, with many cups inside. There are 80 cups of laundry soap in a 5 gallon bucket. So, you can do 80 loads of laundry with one batch! I didn't figure out the cost per load or batch, but this is cheap. Also, if you have trouble with allergic reactions, this soap has no filler or perfume to bother your skin.

If you want to read more on this, here is a recipe for powder detergent that looks similar.

If I Were a Toy,

I would be this riding toy. Colorful and sturdy. Just waiting for a little boy to come ride me.