Staying Cool

 
In this hot weather we've been loving freeze pops made from a mixture of homemade yogurt and fruit juice. Tristan often has one first thing in the morning.

These days I live with a heightened awareness of each moment, knowing any day my life could change with the birth of my baby. So I savor the moments with Geryll and Tristan, anticipating the future, yet wanting to cling to the now. The reality of the out-of-control, unknown of tomorrow is more easily realized when you are nine months pregnant.

Again and again God reminds me of His lavish love for me. Last week He did it through my family. Living five hours away from them, a three day visit is glorious.

 

My niece Mia gave me a hydrangea. Very sweet of her, so we proudly took a picture together. Later I learned she had been clipping the whole bush for me. She has no idea how much that means to me.

 

My Mom cooked breakfast every morning, cared about my swollen feet, didn't let me help weed the garden, and took care of Tristan. I am proud to be her daughter. When I hear stories of the ways she and Grandma serve others I wonder if I will ever be that unselfish.

 

Here I am am with two of my sisters, Sheri and Sonya. I left knowing I'd received more from them than what I had given. Three days with them are way too short.

Rich Mama

He wakes me at 6:30, happy voice talking loudly from his crib too early on a Saturday morning. I go to him, little boy with sticking up hair clutching an orange kitty and a tattered blanket.

Hand in hand we go down the stairs, happy boy hopping and sleepy mama shuffling. I crumble food into the fishbowl as he watches saying, "Num, nums". We eat cereal and toast. He repeatedly punches open my computer's disk drive as I check my email. His pestering to watch his "Dump, Dump" movie leaves me no option of answering mail.

Wearing my favorite nightgown I sweep the floors, then get down on my hands and knees, lumbering over hardwood with a bucket and a rag. He dances about spreading toast crumbs, emptying the crayon box, spilling his milk, and talking about "Dah, Dah".

What's a mama to do but try to smile and be grateful to be 31 years old, the mother of this boy, the wife of his daddy, and the bride of their Maker. That, and be glad when Daddy gets up and takes the boy with him for the morning so I can nap on the couch. I am rich.

Photo is thanks to my talented SIL.

Morning Glory Muffins

These muffins have been a healthy comfort food for me the last few months. They may taste bland to some, but spices don't appeal to me right now.

* 1 cup Whole Wheat Flour
* 1 cup White Flour
* Scant 2/3 cup Sugar
* 2 teaspoons Baking Soda
* 1/2 teaspoon Salt
* 1 cup Grated Carrots
* 1 cup Grated Zucchini
* 1 Apple, Peeled And Grated
* 1/2 cup Raisins
* 1/2 cup Nuts Or Sunflower Seeds
* 1/2 cup Unsweetened Coconut
* 1/2 cup Unsweetened Applesauce Or Plain Yogurt
* 1/2 cups Oil
* 2 teaspoons Vanilla
* 3 Eggs

Preparation Instructions

In a large bowl mix flours, sugar, soda, and salt. Stir in carrots, zucchini, raisins, nuts, coconut, and apple. Mix eggs, applesauce, oil, and vanilla together. Stir into flour mixture until batter is just combined. Spoon into greased muffin tins, filling to the top. Bake at 350 for 15 – 20 minutes, being careful not to over bake.

Just Live Today

Blue eyes turn toward mine as I pass out the bars for Kid's Club snack. Kristen asks her routine question, "Are we going to be able to have two?"

"Not tonight," I reply. Seeing her beginning pout I can't keep the edge from my voice. "Enjoy the one you have. If you complain you could lose your snack."

As I dismiss the children after the noisy final assembly Kristen comes to me. "Will there be brownies next time?"

"I don't know." My words come with inward, and likely outward, annoyance. I am busy. She doesn't need to know that right now and should be quiet in her seat. She turns away.

Awake during the night I writhe, remembering those encounters. I can think of twenty-five better responses to Kristen's questions.

Morning comes and with it a burden about this and many other things. The Lord shows me I sound a lot like Kristen.

Brown eyes turned toward Him I wail. "Am I going to be able to accomplish all the things I hope to before the baby comes in 3 months? What about the traveling? What about the bike rides with Geryll and Tristan? What about the parties with friends? What about the spring cleaning? What about the painting? What about the sewing? What about my inadequacies that need attention? What about . . .? The summer looks too short!"

His voice is gentle, "Carla, just live in the grace I offer you today. If you fret you will lose your joy and peace."

I come to him again. "What about the delivery and health of the baby?"

And he who stands before the noise of all people, yet is never busy, turns to me. "You don't need to know that now. Just live today."

Celebrating Life

Saturday tasted of paradise. Geryll, Tristan and I worked together in the back yard, biked together at Presque Isle, then cooked together before going to bed. Days like this, so precious, can make me afraid. I fear pain and death that may come, bringing tears rather than laughter, making it impossible for me to live another day like this one.

This coming week marks 10 years since my 6th grade student, Heather, was killed in an accident. I remember the shock, the realization that I could not have another moment with her. The recent tragedy involving the Esh family reminds me that I can't keep my family alive.

How does a woman live with this realization? I know that no one can take away the sweet family times I've experienced. I have "right now" with my family. Still, that isn't sufficient.

I also know that though tears and death are inevitable, they are not the final word for me as a Christian. Isaiah 25:8 says, "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces." This is what Easter speaks to me this year. Christ's suffering reminds me of the pain of living. His resurrection promises me the hope of life after death.

"Because he lives, I can face tomorrow." I can't honestly say, "all fear is gone". I will say, "I bring my fears to Him. I know He holds the now, has held the past and will hold the future."

Gradual Growth

Several weeks ago I pulled out an unfinished maternity dress. I'd nearly completed it when I was pregnant with Tristan. However, something was wrong with the back skirt, making it unfit to wear. I'd given up on it, completely frustrated at what I considered a waste of time and money. Now, two years later, as I ripped apart the skirt in search of a solution, the problem was obvious and easily fixed.

Slowly, imperceptibly to me, I’ve grown as a seamstress. Time spent sewing simple aprons as gifts for friends, curtains for the kitchen, and several easy dresses for myself improved my skills. What was hard two years ago is easy today.

So life goes, full of gradual growth. A kind word spoken when I’d rather snap, an invitation accepted when I’d rather stay home, a sacrifice made when I’d rather be selfish, a lesson taught when I’d rather just listen; all these and more work to grow my character in small ways. The ordinary days grow me in ways I can’t see at the time.

My friend, Sister Eva, said to me “Carla, Christ is growing and being formed in you, just as that baby is growing up inside of you.” I can’t see the baby’s growth with my eyes. My belly gradually swells. I feel more movement from the child. Change comes slowly. But miraculous growth happens daily.

Even so Christ grows within me. “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” “That Christ may grow in your hearts by faith.” The baby growing inside isn’t the only miracle gradually growing and changing me. These ordinary days of worship, work and relationships yield more of the fullness of God in me, as I listen to His Spirit.

The dress, representing growth in myself and veiling the growth of my my baby.

Geryll listens to Tristan talk about the twinkling stars, an ordinary moment with extraordinary glory.